Where's My Porn? Oh Right, Sai Has It
by randomness1868
Summary: Sai reading porn books was the worst idea Konoha had ever heard of. Unfortunately, it happened. Implied SasuSaku, SasuSai, KakaSaku. Rated T for Kakashi influence.


**Let's just say that this appeared 'cause the idea with Sai and 'somebody's' book was just too funny.**

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Sai liked books. Everybody knew that. So it was no surprise when Naruto saw Sai walk past with a book in front of his face.

"Hey Sai"

"Un" Sai replied distractedly.

"Uh okay then, I'll leave you to your reading then." Naruto called as Sai walked straight past his teammate. Sai kept walking, dodging people without taking his eyes off the page in a rather Kakashi-like way. How can he do that? Naruto wondered.

"Naruto!" Naruto looked away from Sai's retreating back, as Kakashi appeared from behind a shop.

"Hey Sensei; how 'bout ramen?" Naruto called cheerfully to the silver-haired jounin.

"Sorry Naruto, but I'm busy."

Come to think of it, Kakashi-sensei did look a little disheveled- rather like he had been running around all day long looking for something, Naruto decided.

"Can I help?" Naruto asked. Maybe ramen would come as a treat after! The broke ninja thought.

Kakashi gave Naruto a strange look and hesitated. "Well…" he began looking thoughtful. "I guess you could…"

Naruto cheered silently. Free ramen!

"Have you seen my book by any chance?"

If Naruto had been in one of those anime things that Sakura liked to watch, his jaw would have dropped to the floor and he would have fallen over dramatically.

"Your book?" he asked weakly. There was no way Naruto was going to get ramen at this rate. He had been rather hoping for something more strenuous, something that Kakashi would feel that a reward was needed afterward. A question hardly counted. "No, I haven't seen it." Naruto said. Disappointment was reflected in Kakashi's face.

"Well I'll see you later then." Kakashi hurried off and Naruto nearly fell over in despair. He'd never get his ramen! And then it hit him.

Kakashi's books were a bright orange color with a red 21-and-up sign on the back and a picture of a girl being hit on it on the front… wasn't that what Sai had been… uh oh, Naruto thought. Nobody had told Sai that Kakashi's books were off limits… but then again, Sai had never seemed very interested in the books Kakashi-sensei read...

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto hurried after the older man. He might just get his ramen after all.

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Sai meanwhile, continued walking throughout Konoha; book in hand, and with no apparent destination.

"Sai, is that you?"

"Un" Vaguely, he recognized the voice to be Sakura's. Wait, Sakura? Just the person he could try his new 'friendship' tactics on. "Oh hey Sakura" he said, lowering the book from his face.

"Whatcha reading?" Sakura was honestly interested. Nobody but Kakashi-sensei walked around with his nose buried in a book. What was Sai so engaged in?

"Oh, just another friendship book." He replied happily. "By the way Sakura," he began. "How about a little bang-bang-bang with Sai, baby?" He said in his manliest voice.

Sai happily grinned at her dumbfounded expression. He had finally got something right! Maybe this book worked out after all. It HAD said that women liked sexy approaches.

"What did you say?" Her voice was deadly. Being the ninja that he was, Sai had a very bad feeling that maybe that hadn't been the right thing to say to Sakura.

"Um… I said; how about…" He never got to finish his sentence before a loud crack was heard throughout Konoha. Not surprisingly, Sakura had slapped him halfway to the Sand village.

"Ow" Sai rubbed his cheek as he sat up from where he had fallen into a bunch of crates, next to a ramen shop, where a few heads were looking curiously at him. Maybe he would try with somebody else- perhaps a male, he decided. After all, he didn't want to give up on the book just yet.

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"I can't believe him! That stupid bastard" Sakura fumed. Her hand was still numb from slapping Sai, but she was almost glad of the numbness. Sakura could finally see what Tsunade had to put up with every time Jiraya came around. After all, HE was the one that said stuff like that. God, the toad sage probably invented EVERYTHING pervy. She paused, where was Sai learning that from anyway? Was Kakashi-sensei…? Nah. Sakura dismissed the idea immediately. Her sensei would never, ever tell Sai any of what Sai just said. Unless… Sakura stopped right in her track as she came to the very same realization that Naruto had come to earlier. She slowly grinned. Maybe there was a way to get Sai back after all. What an evil Inner she had!

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Oblivious to the chaos he was creating, Sai continued searching for his next 'test subject.'

What about…? Nah, too familiar. So then maybe… not worth it. Sai pondered what he would say and therefore nearly ran into the one and only Sasuke Uchiha who was practicing his technique in the park. The raven-haired boy turned around and then- bang – Sai had his next 'victim.'

"Watch where you're going" Sasuke growled at the pale boy. He had just come back to Konoha after having defeated his brother, and found that he had been replaced with a wannabe ninja who could never be as cool as him.

"Sorry," Sai began.

"You better be." Sasuke disliked Sai. The kid was just too friendly and… he shuddered inwardly, strange.

"By the way Sasuke, may I ask you a question?"

"Humph" Sasuke said, instantly wary.

"Can I be gay with you?"

"What?" Sasuke stared intently at the strange boy in front of him, thinking that maybe he was right about 'strange'. Was he gay?

"I said; can I be gay with you?" Sai asked again, slightly unsettled by the other's intense gaze. To his surprise Sasuke sighed impatiently.

"Well you can't give me little Uchiha babies and you are weird, but I guess it would do no harm."

Sai stepped back reflexively. Whoa, he never expected the Uchiha to take him seriously! Sai had figured earlier that it had been just an expression of friendliness. Sai had assured himself that he didn't really have to be gay with Sasuke when he said that… or did he? This was awkward.

"Um, you know what? That's okay." Sai backed further away from the Uchiha as Sasuke leaned forward, an evil smirk on his face. "I'll just see you later Sasuke." And Sai turned and ran as fast as he could and as far as he could get from Sasuke.

Sasuke smirked after Sai. "It works every time." He muttered happily.

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"Kakashi-sensei!" Kakashi turned as both of his students barreled toward him at a break-neck pace. They stopped in front of him, breathing heavily.

"I have something to tell you!" Naruto puffed.

"What?" Sakura looked at Naruto. "_I_ have something to tell him too!"

"Well, go ahead." Kakashi told her. "If it's that you finally found that you love me and want to marry me, then my answer is yes." Kakashi winked at the now pink faced girl.

"Hell no!" Sakura yelled at him.

"Yuck!" Naruto agreed.

"Well what else is there for me to know?" Kakashi sighed at the rejection.

"I KNOW WHO HAS YOUR BOOK!" Sakura and Naruto yelled at the same time. "Wait! You know? How could you know? Sensei" They both turned away from each other. "It's Sai!"

"Sai?" Kakashi was confused. How had Sai gotten a hold of his precious book?

"Yeah, it was Sai" said a deep voice.

"Sasuke!" Sakura shrieked at the same time that Naruto yelled:

"Teme!"

Sasuke stared amused at his two teammates, from where he stood on top of the ramen shop they were all gathered by. He had chosen his spot well as Sakura would have a hard time getting to him. He didn't relish the idea of being raped by the pink-haired girl, even if it would get him Uchiha babies.

"So it was Sai." Kakashi said; after all, if all three of his former students agreed (which they rarely didn't), then Sai DID have his book. "Okay!" He announced. "We have a new mission: Get Sensei's book back!"

"Let's go!" Inner Sakura yelled, punching her fist in the air. She couldn't wait to sink her claws into Sai. He still owed her for that comment he had given her the last time they had met.

Naruto was equally happy. He was well on his way to get ramen.

And Sasuke… who knows- he was just in it for the fun.


End file.
